If Love Can Die, I'll Meet It in Hell
by edwardcullenissosexy
Summary: As a human Bella deals with her insecurities,her boyfriend Edward deals with his own,tormenting himself in an Edward-like way and leaving them both torn up.On an important date,he shows up late,Bella falls apart,while he hopes for an answer.Oneshot. AH/AU


**_An insecure, human Bella Swan waits for her boyfriend to show up on their anniversary. As the hours drag on and her candle burns low, she falls apart inside. When he finally shows up, he tells her something she never expected. With her bruised heart, product of both lack of communications and her own damaging mind, she suffers her own battles as Edward deals with his own. Can it work out in the end, if they can get past their insecurities and realize what's right in front of them? _**

I stared at the low burning candle, feeling my eyes water. Why hadn't he come? He was always on time. Never ever late, the only two times he had been, he'd called to let me know where he was.

I had made us dinner for our anniversary; we had been dating for two and a half years now. He hadn't come over the past couple of nights, but he had promised to be here tonight. He had not indicated that he remembered what day it was. He hadn't called me today, though I had seen a flash of his bronze hair climbing into his Volvo this morning. We lived in the same apartment building, only two floors apart.

I looked out my window, down to the light parking lot. His car wasn't there. Was he alright? What if he was hurt? Would I have been told by now if he was?

Pulling out my cell phone, I tried his number, but it went straight to voice mail, showing it was either off or he was talking to someone on it.

I hung up without leaving a message. I got into my phone address book and hit call on the first number. As the phone dialed my very best friend, his twin sister, Alice, I tried to force the trembles out of my voice.

She answered on the second ring; she sounded tired, annoyed, and excited all at the same time.

"Bella?" she greeted.

"Hey, Alice. Um, have you heard from Edward at all today? He's not home and he won't answer his phone. Gosh, what if he's hurt; I don't know what to think." I babbled. "Have you talked to him or seen him at all recently?"

"Uh, yeah. I talked to him just a few minutes ago. He sounded distracted, but wouldn't tell me what was up. Have you two been fighting?"

I thought over her words.

"... not that I know of," I said weakly. "I haven't seen him all week, only talked to him on the phone, and I called him, not the other way around, like usual. And he hasn't come over, and he didn't call today, and he won't answer his phone, and he was supposed to be here, and he isn't, and today is our two and a half year anniversary and..." I fretted. Had I upset him somehow and didn't realize it? "Alice, I don't know what I did wrong? Are you sure he didn't say anything and, and--"

"Shh, calm down, Bella. I'm sure everything is fine. Try calling him again. When he didn't answer, he was probably talking to me. I know his phone is on. He'll be there soon, I'm sure. Don't worry so much. I promise everything will be okay. I have a feeling it will be."

"Thanks, Alice. You're a great friend. I have no idea what I would do without you. Love you so much," I told her, fighting a sniffle.

"You too, Bella. Love you too. Try to have a good night, kay?"

"Mkay," I mumbled. "Bye."

After hanging up, I called Edward again. It rang twice before it went to voice mail. He had ignored my call! My already watery eyes filled further. Losing the battle, they flowed forward, pouring down my cheeks. The candle in front of me blurred through my tears as I stared at it. The later it got, the more upset I became. Today would soon be over, and I hadn't talked to Edward at all. Now that I knew he wasn't hurt, my own pain intensified. He hadn't seen me in days, hadn't even picked up the phone to tell me that he wasn't coming over tonight, hadn't cared enough.

The tears continued to stream down my face. My ears buzzed with the velvet voice of the man I desperately wished was really here, but I knew he wasn't. The quiet made me edgy, and I stared out the window again. I longed for the rain that usually fell in this cloudy state. I loved the area usually, loved the constant clouds and the down-pour of water from the sky. I loved the sound the rain made tapping against the windows when the wind was blowing it sideways. Currently, the moon shown down, and no clouds were in sight. I had never wanted the rain so much. It would have calmed me down, but the tears came harder instead because of the lack of precipitation in a city where it almost always rained. It seemed I couldn't count on anything tonight; not my boyfriend, my best friend didn't have a clue, and the usually predictable rain wasn't even on my side tonight. No one and nothing was. Especially my boyfriend. My side was empty of his presence, and I longed for Edward to be near me, holding me close. The room was colder without him in it.

I blew out the candle hopelessly. Leaning back in the chair, I glared at the smoke that wafted from the candle, and it blurred strangely as my eyes continued to fill with tears. I stood up and stumbled to my room. Something inside me prevented me from climbing in my bed and losing myself to the despair. I grabbed a pillow and walked out to the chair again. The smoke was still swirling towards the ceiling and I stared at it again, fascinated in a detached way with how it twisted. I hugged the pillow close and leaned my head against the arm of the chair. Somehow, I fell asleep, my heart heavy, the salt water still streaming from my eyes, waiting, hoping, for him to show up.

I was awoken by a rush of wind and a warm scent enveloping me. I smiled as Edward touched my cheek gently, but it felt different somehow, almost cold. The touch felt so different that I didn't lean into his touch. It seemed like I had just entered my body, that I had missed something big, something important, besides having been asleep.

"Bella," he whispered softly, acting like I was so so fragile, like I would break at any second, like some old doll made of glass wearing a delicate lace dress. My body felt numb for some reason. I finally did manage to lean into his hand, but he pulled it away, sending my mood spiraling down again.

"I can't, Bella," he said. "I just don't feel that way anymore. I can't keep pretending. I know this hurts, and I'm sorry, but I'm not sure if I ever really loved you, and if I did, I don't love you the same as I used to. Don't cry, my dearest Bella. Your memories will fade and soon you will be able to look back and smile. You'll heal because time heals all wounds. I'll never forget you, Bella, but I must move on. Goodbye," he said, stepping away from me. He backed away as the words sunk in.

_No_! My mind shouted. _He's lying!_ _It's not true! _But my heart was heavy and dragging. It ignored the words as I sank to the floor, curling into a ball. I should have seen this would happen… should have prepared myself for this option when he became more distant. Why hadn't I foreseen this? I always saw both the best and worst case scenarios… but this hadn't crossed my mind. What was wrong with me? My mind screamed at me, kicking, hollering and even clawing at the inside of my head, sending tingling shivers down me…it felt like needles. Warm hands were suddenly on me again, but they still felt cold, and the tingling continued. My chest felt heavy and my eyes stung. _Stop it! _I ordered myself. _Pull yourself together. Be strong. He always hated drama; don't leave him with this impression of you. Stop acting so stupid and … dead. Take a deep breath and say goodbye. You can fall apart later. _The other half of me argued, _it's not an act. _I focused on pulling the pain back inside of me, not letting it out. I wanted to stop the tears and the shivers and hide any evidence of my pain inside. I could deal with it inside. Besides, who would care that my insides felt like they were in shreds?

"Bella, sweetheart, please wake up," Edward said softly. "I'm sorry, Bella." He kissed my forehead and my eyes shot open in surprise; all they saw was darkness. My brain felt on overload. _He's going to break-up with me and then _kiss_ me when I break down? Make up your God-damned mind. _I didn't mean what I thought; I knew I loved him and always would, but immersed in painful feelings, it was rightfully pissed.

"Bella," Edward said again, but it was smoother now, more velvety. I felt myself slowly relinquishing my anger, succumbing to the feelings I usually felt when around him. Though I still felt the stabs of hurt echoing in me, I also felt a warmth that was spreading, and a smile that always magically moved through me when I heard his voice or even saw him. Mixed with the ache, it remained locked inside rather than showing itself to the world.

I finally comprehended that I had been dreaming, caught in a nightmare but that Edward really was here. The thought made me feel better. I chastised myself when I realized that I had gotten his voice all wrong. It was much better in real life. _Well it's his fault for not being near you for days with no warning, _the harsh side of my brain said.

My cheeks felt crusty from the salty tears drying on them and I knew I didn't look very good at the moment. _Not that I ever did_… the negative side of my brain piped up.

"Bella," Edward spoke again. "I have something very important to tell you and I only have about seven minutes to do it if I stick to my plan. Can you please wake up?"

It was dark in the room, but Edward didn't seem to mind. I sat up and hugged my pillow tighter.

"I'm sorry I had to wake you. You looked so peaceful, yet so tortured. You looked absolutely beautiful." He touched my cheek. "I haven't decided which is more beautiful… you awake or you asleep," he murmured. I wanted to be mad at him, I really did, but I just couldn't do it. The clock on the stove glowed green, emitting an eerie light in the otherwise dark grey room. 11:53.

"I'm sorry I didn't call. I really should have, but I was afraid I would have given it away, which I know is no excuse. You don't realize how hard it is for me to keep a secret from you. It kills me inside."

He turned away from me then, but all he did was re-light the candle I had been staring at all night; it was now burned at least half way down. The smell of a burnt match saturated the air and I coughed lightly. Edward chuckled, and then took a deep breath (facing away from the smoke wafting though the air, I noticed).

"Isabella Marie Swan, I have been stressing over this for weeks, and I cannot come up with anything that I would deem good enough for you—I know I'm not perfect in any way, and you have every right to hate me if you wish, but I love you and I am so sorry. Happy sort of anniversary, my love." He glanced at the table I had set up. "Thank you for cooking. It was a nice thought. I apologize for being so nervous… so chicken. Something in me tells me one thing, but then I get negative thoughts and worry about what you'll think…" he trailed off, still looking away. "I didn't even tell Alice what was going on." He turned to stare at me then, waiting for me to respond, obviously worrying about what I would say, and probably wondering why I hadn't interrupted him at all.

A tear slipped down my face. He reached out to tenderly brush it away. He slowly came closer to me, caressing my face with his thumbs.

"I thought you were mad at me—that you didn't love me anymore," I choked out. He frowned. "I know it sounds dramatic, and ridiculous, and I'm sorry," I continued. "Just… I don't know what's going on. I feel messed up and alone," I told him.

"Silly, beautiful girl. Don't you know that I could never leave you, and that I will love you forever?" he asked softly. "I love you, I love you, I love you. More than you could ever know, I love you," he whispered. His breath brushed across my face, and the sweetness of it made me dizzy. It was cool almost, minty sort of, but delicious all the same. It was Edward, simply. It was his natural scent, in a more concentrated form, mixed with toothpaste. His green eyes sparkled and danced in the warm orange light. I pushed the pillow aside and closed the few centimeters of distance between us, lightly aligning myself with him, briefly touching his lips with my own.

"I love you as well. I could never hate you, and I will always want you in my life, as cheesy as that sounds, and I always will." My lips brushed against his with every word, and he shivered, in perfect cliché. Then, he pulled me closer, wrapping his arms around me and deepening the kiss. I sighed contentedly into his mouth and he smiled. I pulled away slightly. "Now can you please tell me why you failed to contact me for days?" I demanded.

He gently pushed me back down into the chair and moved a bit farther away from me… and down on one knee…

"With all my heart I dream of you and me forever. You're everything I'll ever want and more. Isabella Swan, will you marry me?" he asked with a hopeful look in his eyes. That look almost broke my heart… again. He still doubted me; he was actually giving me the option of saying no… it looked like he was preparing himself for me to say the word he didn't want to hear. He didn't expect me to accept. With all of his hopes and desires mapped out on his face, shining in his eyes, it seemed as if none of those things would ever come true in his mind. If they did, it would be beyond believable. So I wasn't alone in my thoughts. A piece of my brain stood there, with its mouth open. I couldn't believe he shared my doubts… he always seemed to be the more confident one in our relationship. I felt special to have been the one he could open up to, and reveal that deep part of him. More tears fell down my face as I giggled and launched myself into his arms, knocking the black velvet box I had barely noticed out of his hands. I kissed his entire face to his ear.

"Yes, Edward, yes. 'til death do us part' and then we'll meet again in heaven… or wherever it is we go when we die. I would love to be yours forever. I would love to be your wife, Edward Anthony Masen. If I can help it, I'll never let you go."

He reached for the box I had made him drop and opened it again. Taking out the ring, he slowly slid it onto my finger. Wrapping his arms around me again and staring at me with his sparkling, shining, infinitely happy green eyes, he leaned in to kiss me again.

_**Okay okay okay, cheesy cheesy cheesy, lame (in a lame way as in darkish or stupid…) I know. I've had it for a while. It's been done for months, sitting in my writing notebook, and I haven't put it up. It's got a bit of new stuff because I always add stuff to whatever's written in my notebook, but the original stuff I wrote on my computer… August or September?… is still there. I love it. This is probably one of my favorite stories I've written, second only to Forks in the Road. Please review, whether you liked it or not. **_

_**With love, **_

_**Kasey **_


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